Last year life mentally,emotionally and physically,kicked my ass. Six deaths in the family, 3 happening all within the same month,medical problems,family problems,relationship problems...seemed like I was living under a black cloud. Reminded me of a lyric in an old Eagles tune:
"Every morning, I wake up and wonder, what's gonna happen today"
Life was slipping away from me and I finally reached the point where I didn't care. Let it slip right away, I thought to myself.
Now, with my medical issues seemingly somewhat under control, not living in almost constant pain, I am beginning to see some of the things that I let slip away from me.
Among them, my house.
I know it may sound crazy, but cleaning was something I had always enjoyed. I took great pride in my surroundings. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment at the end of the day to look around and see the neat, tidy and sparkling clean fruits of my labor.
Growing up, cleaning the house didn't just fall to my Mother, it was a family event. Especially on Saturday's. I can still hear music from the stereo playing through the entire house with the scent of Pine Sol and Pledge filling the air. Those are pleasant memories.
Over the years I had refined my house cleaning routine down to a perfect system. Chores were broken down into daily, weekly and monthly tasks. Even while I was raising children and living in a marriage made in hell, the house at least was something I could control. Predictable things are easy to control. You know the furniture will need to be polished, so you polish it.
With a rare Monday with the house all to myself, I focused on some of the small things I had ignored over the years. Things that other people wouldn't and don't notice. I mean, how many people step up on a chair to look on top of your fridge to see if it is clean or not? Not many, but just knowing they could, gives me some warped kind of joy.
After 2 weeks of being in a deep cycle of insomnia, I was able to crawl into bed last night and sleep for over 7 hours without waking up once.
Maybe it was the scent of Pine Sol that still lingered in the kitchen and master bath that came and reminded me of sweeter days when I felt safe and loved.
4 days ago