Last year all the elements in my upside down life lined up to create the perfect mental and emotional storm. A storm that blew the blinders off my eyes and sucked my head out of the sand.
Painful, very painful at first to acknowledge that I had only been lying to myself and giving someone else one free pass after another to lie to me also.
Very hard and painful giving up a dream that you have held so close to your heart, have fought so hard to protect and nurture.
You know what else is painful....?
Giving love but never receiving it in return. Or if you do it is rationed out in small bits as if there is none to spare.
Giving time and energy. Working to keep the lines of communication up and open, even if it means doing all the communicating yourself....
Never too busy to talk or write....and never having that returned.
Busy....forgot....didn't have time....etc...Once in a while....okay. I can roll with that. But ALL the time.....? Houston we have a problem.
So, I worked, wrote and cried myself, alone through the perfect mental and emotional storm.
When I stopped communicating.....There was little to no communication.
LIGHT BULB MOMENT....!!!!
And then....I discovered......
How wonderful it is to love yourself and say, "Hell no. I'm not taking any more shit"
How wonderful it is to allow yourself to be and receive love.
How wonderful it is to throw down those defenses and allow someone to be strong for and there for me.
How wonderful....truly wonderful it is to matter to someone.....to have that freedom to pick up the phone at any time, without restrictions and know you will hear a voice that is glad you called.
How wonderful to NEVER hear how busy someone has been which translates into, "You weren't important enough to make the time or effort".
Sorry guys, but, "busy" doesn't cut the mustard. Perhaps it did before cell phones, email,text messages and Instant messages, but these days....nope....that dog won't hunt.
My new motto is, If I don't see it for myself....it don't mean diddly squat. You can tell someone all day long how much you love and miss them, but unless you show it....it doesn't mean one gosh darn thing. Just more empty words that have no meaning.
When people show you who they REALLY are.....BELIEVE THEM.
When they show you how little you mean to them.....You better believe that too and run like hell and like the song by Carrie Underwood....."UNDO IT"
The Kathy Aay Questions
1 day ago